(no subject)

[oflifefourfold]

Continued from here.



[The Sky Garden, hmm? Dazai guessed correctly - she wasn't here often.]

Just as I hope you aren't here for the nearest convenient ledge.

[He might not, but there really was no way to tell. In case he did, she'd rap her knuckles on his head and drag him away - no use reviving a splatter of guts on the pavement, after all.

When they got to the bar, she set down her handbag in the seat Dazai hadn't chosen, her gaze lingering on the city before she turned to her companion. Yokohama was such a sight. In the night, the artificial lights reminded her of lanterns floating down the river at Obon.]

Amaretto sour.

[Could've gone for something stronger, but it wasn't that kind of evening. Yosano hooked the groove of her heels on the stool's base and folded her hands on the table.]

So. Was this actually a spontaneous invitation, or have you been thinking about it for a while?

Comments

[diesuki]

Oh, it's quite impossible to jump from here. The glass is reinforced every bit as well as one might expect.

[Said quite casually, in spite of the implication that he had, indeed, tried to jump here - or at least considered it.

He wasn't considering it now, though. Apart from anything else: while he liked Yosano, she was hardly the type to commit double suicide. There was a reason he'd never asked her. (To be fair, he'd never asked anyone else at work, either. Funny, that.)

Ordering a simple whiskey, Dazai settled in properly, finally looking away from Yosano to consider the view for a moment. It gave him a strange mix of feelings, watching the bustling city from above. It was predictable, beautiful, boring yet still vaguely desired, out of reach... The view certainly echoed his relationship to life, didn't it?]

I could never not think about it, sensei. [A small smile. He's flattering her, but not lying as such. Not his fault if people take his flirting more personal than it is.] But this kind of thing on the work floor tends to turn into trouble, doesn't it?

[oflifefourfold]

[Figures he'd know that tidbit. Well, in spite of his efforts, he was still breathing in the present, and Yosano would enjoy interacting with him for however long this lasted.]

It's certainly irregular. [For how straightforward that observation should've been, she felt she was being tested. Yosano didn't mind.] Gossip aside, the actual problems come in when both parties begin to be indiscreet, neglect work, or use the affair as leverage in the office.

[Typical office behavior in conventional settings that fuelled tv drama plots. She disliked those.]

Neither you or I really answer to each other at work.

[diesuki]

[Perhaps it was a test - but what wasn't? Test or not, Dazai would bounce his thoughts and words off whoever was around, just to see how they bounced back. Maybe the results were rarely unexpected, but there was always some measure of entertainment in the game itself.]

And I neglect work, regardless! [Declared with a bright smile and absolutely no shame.] Then, all we'd have to worry about is being discreet.

[There's a laugh in his voice as he continues, perhaps a little too dark - yet somehow sad - to be straight-up amusement.]

It's true that, if Kunikida-kun should see us being indiscreet, he's likely to be out of commission for a month.

[oflifefourfold]

[The tonal difference caught her attention, yet she lacked the context for it. Another scattered fragment to add to her impression of Dazai, and she felt the stirrings of an old frustration: how did one keep alive a person who travelled to the border between life and death without telling anyone what ailed them?

Well-being extended beyond physical health.

For now, all she could do was wait, watch, and prepare.

She waited until the bartender served their drinks before speaking.]

As much as Kunikida-kun's reactions are entertaining, please don't knock him out too long. The amount of paperwork he'll return to might have him moving to the Agency, and I'd rather not be involved.

[Not to mention, the idea of someone like Dazai truly getting caught off-guard for this kind of incident was unlikely.]

[diesuki]

[She's not wrong there: it would definitely be deliberate. But he wouldn't do that to her - and he wouldn't have to. If he wanted to shock Kunikida, there were plenty of ways to suggest something without showcasing it.

Also: Dazai really didn't want to take over any of Kunikida's tasks while he'd be out of commission.]

There, we can agree.

[The Agency without Kunikida was a far more peaceful place. Or perhaps that was only because Kunikida's absence meant unlimited messing about.

At any rate, their drinks were here, so he raised his.]

To your health! And your beauty~

[oflifefourfold]

[Let's be real: Kunikida would bury himself in guilt if someone picked up the slack for him.

She quirked an eyebrow at the dedication. Always with that somewhat sincere flattery, with the right amount of charm that'd send a schoolgirl swooning.

Or maybe it was that recollection of tv drama antics that reminded her of such.]

To good conversation and your wit.

[Yosano clinked their glasses and sipped her drink.]

Discretion aside, where do you plan on taking this?

[diesuki]

[Or Kunikida would just die of stress, because most people "helping" would only make things worse, in his opinion. Then again, it could be a good chance for Tanizaki to earn a promotion? Something to consider!

Dazai's smile widened - he did so enjoy when she played along without taking his bullshit! - and he took a sip from his own glass. If nothing else, it bought him a second to consider her question. Not that he hadn't considered it himself already, of course, but while he had drawn his conclusions as to the "why" (opportunity, mostly; that, and he really did consider her both beautiful and intelligent) and the "what" (whatever he could get without compromising their work, really), it was not so easy to put them into words without sabotaging himself already - and while self-sabotage was definitely an option down the line, he wanted to see how things would go, first.

Maybe that was another "why", really: doing something ordinary and human that would make most people satisfied with their life, if only for a little while. It never quite worked that way for him, but from time to time, he couldn't seem to resist trying.]

Wherever it ends up. You said yourself that this is a baseline test, didn't you?

I'm more than happy to simply enjoy the evening - and your company - for what it is. And if it leads to more, well... we're both adults, aren't we?

[oflifefourfold]

[Tanizaki's decisive in emergencies, but give him a few more years. Making decisions that affect the entire Agency is a different ballgame.

Yosano tapped the side of her glass as she pinned him with a scrutinizing gaze. Initially, she'd pegged this as a brief dalliance meant to test and maybe indulge in mutual attraction, yet it sounded like Dazai took care to highlight an opt-out option.

Hmm.]

So we are. Well, seeing how this goes is fine. [And because this was a joke she couldn't resist making:] It's good to have someone who doesn't think it's a given and jump straight into scene negotiation.

[diesuki]

[Nonsense! Do you know what Dazai what doing at Tanizaki's age?! The only problem is Naomi, who is his biggest weakness and his greatest motivation both. One of those classic "can't live with them, can't keep from being a crazy murderer without them" situations, no doubt.]

Too much negotiation does so take the fun out of things, doesn't it?

[Deliberately missing the point, without even missing a beat. Would he care to explore that option? Certainly! It wasn't his main goal, but it touched nicely on his... hobbies.]

I trust you to know how far you can and can't go, from a professional point of view.

But... I have to wonder if that is really what you want the most.

[Maybe it was, and good for her if so. Not everyone had their talents and their desires so diametrically opposed as Dazai.

If nothing else, it seemed the bare minimum of respect to check. He'd enjoy her abusing him, sure, but he didn't want to use her for that kind of thing.

Consider it the .1% of his personality that was actually decent.]

[oflifefourfold]

[Dazai's sheer talent makes him more of the exemption rather than the rule, and both Dazai and Tanizaki have different ways of doing things. Plus, having Tanizaki apply his bloodthirsty protectiveness towards Naomi to the rest of the Agency might entail more than a few adjustments.]

I'm not sure about you, but in my experience it's the opposite. [He might deliberately miss the point and that's fine, though Yosano will mention this anyway before moving on - the logic applies for vanilla and otherwise, and she's mindful that Dazai's previous involvement in the mafia might mean he'd respond to certain actions a touch differently. It's not that she thinks he's fragile - far from it - but she acknowledges how violence leaves its mark on people, especially in a setting that could leave them vulnerable.] True, I know my own limits, but I'm not the only one looking to have fun here.

[Unexpected landmines ruin the mood. Surely Dazai, with his skill in playing with expectations, would know that. Since she can't expect him to divulge anything in so explicit a fashion, she'll trust him to veer away from what he found distasteful or uncomfortable.]

It's not the be all and end all, you know. While it does make things exciting, there are other ways to chase after what one wants.

[diesuki]

You like talking about it, do you~?

[Oh, he sees her point, all right. Maybe he just wonders if he has any landmines left - or if he ever had any to start with. He's a pathetically empty man, after all. The way he sees it, things would either get sexy, or they would get shocking, with the latter being the smaller chance by far - but not even unwelcome.

Or maybe he just can't be bothered to engage in detailed negotiations. It could definitely be that.]

Such as? [He plays with his glass, an old habit he hasn't been able to kick. Of course he can supply some options there, but he's more curious about what she'll answer him.]

[oflifefourfold]

No reason not to.

[There was little sense concealing her interests in this sort of discussion. Of course, that was just her, and far be it for her to impose the more extreme forms of that practice outside of her brand of medical treatment.

Dazai's seeming nonchalance about his own boundaries, on the other hand - she'd reserve judgment, knowing there was a host of possibilities, from benign to worrisome, on why that topic wouldn't be touched on.

Still, it was irksome when she was used to exercising responsibility for both herself and her partners, and she'd have choice words for him if this soured because of a preventable breach of trust.]

Seeing where this conversation actually goes. [She sipped her drink and rested her chin on the back of her hand.] I'm not being petty, mind, but it's the sort of thing you build the mood for.

[diesuki]

[She'd be right to give him an earful, too, but Dazai would be Dazai. His quasi-joking attempts at suicide aside, it was awfully hard to keep living with an increasingly smaller pool of entertainment to enjoy. He might as well aim for extremes and see where it got him.]

Build the mood, is it? [He knew that much, but he chooses to either play dumb (barely) or just talk around it. It's not intended to be malignant or even evasive; he's just making conversation, in his own way.] Don't tell me I'm supposed to beg for mercy already~?

[oflifefourfold]

[And because Dazai was Dazai, it was better to wait for him to reach his own conclusions and wait in the wings, just in case.]

Only if you think it suits you. [As she understood it, it was, in part, his way of being playful.] If you do that now though, our barkeep might end up serving himself shots, and we'll be out of refills.

[Of course, whether or not they'd have another round of drinks depended on what they ended up doing.]

[diesuki]

That would be a terrible tragedy.

[And it was not bad as something of a hint, either. The question was whether he'd be better off pressing ahead or continuing to circle around things, but he was rather losing his patience with the latter.

Already mostly done with his whiskey, he emptied his glass.]

Then, shall we get at least one refill while we can? Or... would you rather continue this elsewhere?

[Like another bar... or her place, or even his. (He cleaned up all his empty crab cans, honest!)]

[oflifefourfold]

[Yosano drank until there was only a mouthful left, and she held her glass while giving him a considering look.

He could've dilly-dallied more if he wanted to and there wasn't a point in moving bars, so if he offered a second option...

Well, regardless, she'd find out if she guessed right.]

Elsewhere it is.

[She polished off the last of the amaretto sour and held out her hand: if they ended up in someone's place and Dazai decided he'd given enough hints about himself for the evening, Yosano wouldn't mind if they ended up in hers.

Of course, he could want to stay away from the implements she used for emergency health services (even if they weren't going to be used at any point today), and they'd end up at his.]

[diesuki]

[Success~! With a smile that was a little too darkly amused, he stood, and took her hand to help her up. After paying for their drinks, he'd slowly walk them... to her place, of course. It wasn't just for the implements in question, but also for his own, selfish reasons: if nothing else, being able to leave when he wanted to was easier to do "politely" than trying to get her to leave his place, if it should come to that. (Not that he imagined her to be the type to overstay her welcome, but as she'd said, they were still testing the waters.)

It would also be easy enough for her to kick him out and/or refuse him at the door, after all. No doubt this was the better choice all around.

After some small talk along the way, he moved seamlessly back to the topic they'd (not quite) started, before.]

So, negotiations, was it? [So subtle, give this man an award.] Is there a list of yes and no's we have to work through, or how do you usually handle this, sensei?

I'm sure you're more experienced with these things than I am.

[Straight-up torture, he's got plenty of experience with. Kink negotiations, not so much.]

[oflifefourfold]

[With how he seemed to not want to bother discussing specifics, Yosano was already under the impression he'd not bring it up again. For him to suddenly be blunt about it caught her by surprise, and she stared at him incredulously before hanging her head with a quiet laugh.

Sneaky bastard. She wasn't even upset by it.]

Of course. No use going into detail until I agreed, huh?

First, you have to be clear on what you want out of it. It can be anything from a one time thing for the curious, or the cathartic experience of getting totally wrecked. How you want to be treated, what's mutually enjoyable, anything off-limits, or even if sex, intimacy, or pain are involved - all of those are covered.

[Dryly,] Before you ask, the person driving the scene does have to know the best way of going about it while avoiding permanent damage from riskier activities. Safe, sane, and consensual, as they say.

[diesuki]

And what's a long walk without a little conversation~?

[But mostly the other thing, yes.

His initial reluctance to negotiate aside, he found he was getting a little more interested now. Maybe it really was as simple as the fact that they were a little further on their literal and figurative way there, now, but talking about it no longer seemed like a waste of breath.

Of course he was aware of the theory as she told it, but he'd never, he had to admit, experienced anything like it, himself.]

I can honestly say I've never been anything but consensual! [Mostly - ignoring alcohol blurring the lines. Not so much the safe and sane parts, though.] I have to admit, I'm a little curious about the "getting totally wrecked" option. Nothing is off-limits as such, but if I miss work, Kunikida-kun will trample me like the workhorse he is. It would be better if I don't have to miss too much.

[Also for other reasons, of course - as much as he lazed around, he did still do a thing or two where it mattered - but those weren't worth mentioning.]

Sex and intimacy, I'll leave up to your discretion. While I wouldn't be opposed, demanding it seems a bit lacking in the "consensual" requirement.

[oflifefourfold]

[Kunikida's strictness was such a convenient excuse.]

Alright then.

What'll wreck you that you'd be able to recover from? Consider that the intensity's usually based on a combination of the physical, visceral... and losing control. [She sent him a sidelong glance.] Don't rush into this especially if you plan on the receiving end. It's the kind of activity that can mess with your head because the high you'll get is from endorphins flooding your system. There are ways of lessening the effects of the crash, but even you won't be fully immune from it.

If you want more time to think about it and just go for regular sex, that's fine. This is still a baseline, after all.

[diesuki]

[He huffed a soft breath.]

As expected of Yosano-sensei. Always so practical and to the point.

[Something that, somewhat ironically, was almost easy to miss, exactly because she could be a little demanding. There was a difference between demanding things for the sake of it, and demanding them because it would keep things moving.]

I'm quite aware of the effects of that particular high on the brain, which is why I'd rather be on the receiving end. Horror stories aside, I'm sure your bedside manner is better than mine would be. [Not that he wouldn't do his best to repay the favor, if she wanted him to, but to start? He was more interested in trying things this way, which was enough reason not to risk doing things the other way around and possibly losing interest halfway through.] That said... I really think you underestimate what I can take.

[He offered her a smile that tried to be naughty but came out a little sad, too. If she had even an inkling of his past life, then she should know that he'd seen - and felt - enough to make him fairly numb... or at least hard to impress.]

Pain would be all right - as long as it's nothing that leaves serious injuries, of course - but it would also be hard to push me to my limits that way. Then, maybe breathplay...?

[He tapped his chin, talking about this quite casually as they walked along. Fortunately most people didn't pay any attention to others, anyway.]

Oh - and I'd much prefer it if the bandages stay on. [They were a part of his body, after all. Being halfway tortured was fine, but going completely naked? That would just feel exposed - something he was surprisingly not fond of.]

[oflifefourfold]

[Oh, she was damn sure either his tolerance or endurance (or both) were greater than an average person's in spite of his lean frame. At the very least, she was aware of how he's survived his own suicide attempts, Kunikida's frustrations, and the regular chaos the Agency ran into. Coupled with what she's seen and heard of the mafia...

Assumptions like the last part carried the risk of bias, and past a couple of steps it was negligent to fully rely on conjecture. While there was reason to believe Dazai had a wider range of exposure to life-threatening elements, that didn't mean they were aiming just for crass shock value.

She returned his smile with a nod of acceptance.]

Both breathplay and the bandages are doable, though I reserve the right to cut through them in case of medical emergency. I'd toss a blanket over you though if the cloth won't aggravate anything, and if you need a change I have spare rolls.

[The unexpected benefit of stocking medical supplies at home.

A thoughtful pause. If he was used to expecting rougher treatment, then -] How about mild sensation play with either textures or balm? And what sort of attitude will you be taking on?

[diesuki]

Of course, of course! If it's a medical emergency~

[He might not like being exposed, but he wouldn't blame Yosano for exposing him if it was a medical necessity. He wouldn't even ask for a blanket, in that case: it was not prolonged exposure that bothered him, but being exposed at all. Once seen - well... She'd know, wouldn't she? Not that she couldn't guess already, and not that she would judge, but Dazai felt some safety in having his body covered for the sake of it, even if he also knew exactly how pathetic that was, a fake safety that nobody should bother with.

But it helped, and - at least as importantly - it distracted. Who could see his current injuries when he was always almost completely covered?]

Sensation play... I wouldn't mind! I'm not sure what attitude I should be taking, however. [Like his own isn't bad enough! Wink wink nudge nudge.] Or were you looking for a patient telling you about this burning sensation that only sensei can get rid of?

[He didn't expect her to be into that - not that he would be opposed if she was. As for him: hamming it up might not be a turn-on, but it would never not be fun. He could roll with it.]

[oflifefourfold]

[Covering up what one disliked exposing was far from pathetic. The expression of instinct and the want of security went beyond logic, as did the immediacy of certain types of coping.

While she might not be happy with the telling history of what she might find, she would neither judge nor smother him for it.

As for that cutesy patient act - he guessed right that it didn't do much for her. Yosano's eyebrow twitched at the reminder of previous patients who tried that line: the joke got old rather fast.]


Some people like acting deliberately bratty, or stick to the other side of the spectrum. [Not to mention, she couldn't see him in a servile role. In that, they got along - for how demanding she could be, she despised extreme degredation, and she prefered her partners to retain their spines.] Of course, you can always just act as you always do.

Say something like that or call for a nurse, however, and I'll end you.

I have water and juice at home, but is there anything else you need after to recover?

[diesuki]

Not into threesomes, I take it? [He's joking! He's joking, he swears.] Very well. If my usual act is enough for you, I think I'll stick to that. I'm rather fond of it, after all~!

[Dazai Osamu, the gold-plated, perpetually empty trash can. Calling himself fond of it might be an exaggeration, but he's gotten used to it, if nothing else. He wonders how much longer it will keep him going. If he's still alive five years from now, or ten, will he act the same? Or will something else have proven more effective and/or more comfortable? You'd think that his existence being empty would make it easy to take on whatever role he chooses, but rather than that, every role he takes on confronts him with what he's missing.]

Just a ride home, perhaps. [Not that he'd mind staying with her, but that feels like crossing a line he's not sure is wise, from his own point of view if not hers. They'll have to see how that turns out.]

Ah, here we are!

[oflifefourfold]

[Oh, Dazai. Yosano had noticed little changes over time compared to when he first started at the Agency, but it was difficult to tell if those were only part of his mask.]

Very well.

[He needn't had worried about overstepping when aftercare was something Yosano was mindful of. It wouldn't have been out of place for Dazai to require solitude after.

Yosano took her keys out of her purse to unlock the door, flipping on a switch as she entered. It was a standard apartment, nothing too flashy or cluttered, functional and tasteful. Against neutral shades of beige, black, cream, and brown, any accentuating on display were bright in color, and there were a few easily maintained potted plants around.

After taking off her shoes by the door and dropping her bag on the sofa, she waved for him to have a seat. If the bag looked heavy, well - she was prepared to respond to emergencies, and her skill in using a cleaver extended to fitting it in with other items.]

I'll just get water. [For the both of them even.] Let me know if you're okay with a stoplight system for safewords.

[This would be more comfortable in the bedroom, really, except it occurred to her that she'd never seen Dazai in anyone else's living space before.

She'd let him decide, after laying out on the table what she planned to use.]

[diesuki]

[Kicking off his shoes, he sat on the sofa as instructed, rocking back and forth a bit like a child, either in anticipation or merely restless. He glanced over to her bag, but had the decency not to touch it. He knew roughly was what was in there, anyway; it was only a search for entertainment that had him consider the idea of peeking inside at all.

Of course, if it was open, he'd at least sneak a peek.]

A stoplight system is fine! I'll even stick to the official meanings of the colors. No "let's speed through!" for yellow, or anything like that.

[What did it mean that he was ramping up the jokes at this point? He wasn't nervous; he couldn't be. He was a little excited, though. So few things were a challenge, but something told him that Yosano would make this experience worth it.]

This is a lovely place you have, by the way.

[As for location: he didn't mind wherever she wanted to do it. This was her apartment; she got to decide which room(s) to use for these hobbies.]